It is always important to feel the need to write…or rather the need to express!!
Often when my heart is full, and I’m happy or I feel I have accomplished goals, that my creative juices dry up . And it just happens that my mind stops thinking or wanting more . It is at this time I just stop writing … the flow just stops.
I guess we shouldn’t be ever content !!
It is only when I feel, life has much more to offer me , many more lessons to teach me , many more layers of people to show me … that I feel the need to rant it out .
I don’t even know if this is exactly a rant ! I just feel it is my emotions inside trying to escape my clogged mind. Not always do I feel negative about life , but when I do , it is quite on a superlative level.
Not good , but not bad either !
A person with few friends and less of a family , needs an escape with words. And if we have stayed strong like a rock forever , we know how much it takes to stay that hard.
What people don’t realize is that under that rock hard layer , under the smiling mask, under the loving heart , under the caring appeal …. lies a soft mushy human , who is always wanting to be pampered and felt important.
I have been a victim of this syndrome since the past two years.
I have not a slightest idea of what triggered the syndrome to love me !!!
As the experts claim, PMS is caused by some horrible mixing of the sex hormones and the neurological chemicals. The symptoms are difficult to identify, as they are mostly psychological. Moreover, it can be easily mimicked, meaning, it is difficult to identify whether the patient is really suffering from it or just faking it. It may just be a psychological condition at times, labelled as PMS.
As a teenager, I was blessed with a perfectly regular menstrual cycle. No cramps and pains accompanied. Even after I had a normal delivery for both my children, the menstrual cycle continued to be regular. I was always an outgoing personality, who loved to meet people and interact with them. I dreaded being alone. Not until I hit my thirties.By mid thirties, I started to notice a change in myself.
I had started to love solitude. I was turning more towards being engrossed in books, rather than talking to someone. I had lost touch with almost all my friends, and had turned into a patient listener at parties, rather than a vocal person, which I was. I did not like getting dragged into discussions, I hated being made to meet or talk to anyone. At times kids irritated me too !!
And these symptoms seemed to vanish as soon as the flushes started 😐
My partner kept on stressing that my attitude was changing, but I could not figure out the reason for this, only until I had a brief read about PMS on the internet.
Slowly I came to notice that my mood swings would become prominent, a week before my periods started. By this time the periods had also become irregular, and it had become difficult to estimate the correct date. Nonetheless, I would come to know of it a week before, coz my moods would change drastically.
I would become more solitary, depressed and get feelings of worthlessness. Especially at nights, I would never sleep without crying. I would become an utter cry baby during those days. I would be more irritated, yelling and howling at the smallest mistake kids did. I would not give a chance to anyone to explain to me. I would almost become unbearable during those days.
Thanks to the family who took me as I was and never questioned my attitude. Till date they have no idea, of what I have been going through each month, during these 2 years. I never had the courage to talk to them about PMS and tell them how I was fighting with myself, with the depressive feelings inside me.
Most of the cases of PMS show an increased rate of violent tendencies. Some of them would skip into depression and frustration to such an extent that they would land up being suicidal. If not diagnosed appropriately and treated well, PMS could be fatal for ladies with lower self-confidence and lower morale. Family support is a must for these kind of cases. My case wasn’t that severe.
Luckily, I diagnosed it for myself and tried to find out ways to tackle this problem. I did not want my family to suffer because of my temperamental mood swings. At the same time I was too shy and reluctant of meeting a doctor to talk about this.
Next post, I shall talk about how I chalked out an alternative therapy plan for myself, involving the elements of yoga, to calm down my high soaring temper during those dull, gloomy, depressing days.
I am a bit pissed off today and really want to let it out about this strange species, called men. 😛
According to me, there exist essentially two kinds of men, one – those who cannot shop anything for anyone at all, two – those who can shop everything for only themselves. The middle kind doesn’t exist at all !!
The men in category 1, are like babies put in the play area with colourful balls of all shapes and sizes around.
They keep on running all around a supermarket, just not knowing what to cart. They are so confused, they actually have no idea of what products are they looking for. These kind of men, sport an awkward smile when someone looks at them, thinking, what the heck am I doing here!! They almost get a chill down their spine, when someone approaches them for a suggestion (like- omg, is he/she gonna ask me something.)
They are like headless chickens running around nothing.
They can produce better results only if they got the shopping list from their wife. If in case left to shop randomly, they would come back home with a pathetic look on their face saying – Nothing was worth buying at all !!!
And if the lady is accompanying them for the shopping trip, she would have a triple responsibility of shopping for herself, her home, and her man….ohh yes not to forget the kids 😉
Obviously, the men in category 2, are exactly the opposite.
When it comes to shopping, there is nothing in this world they can do better !! They actually give tough competition to women here.
They know the best of brands, the best of outlets……and the best of all, they know what exactly they need to buy, that too with whatever time they have at hand.
Of course, occasionally they do get something for their ladies and kids, but their primary focus is to shop the best for themselves.
They are seen mostly loitering around in the mens area, without kids (obviously no distraction required )……while their lady, trails behind, keeping her kids away from fragile things at the supermarket, looking at the ceiling to remember what she needs to shop for today’s dinner and then thinking of getting herself into the women area so that she buys herself something good. And by this time, the kids get hungry and she has to back out from her shopping, just to get into the food court, minus her husband, who is still in the fitting room !!!
While those in the 2nd category sound to be self-centred, the ones in the 1st category seem to be dumb-heads.
The reason, I had to post this was that, my man falls into the 1st category 😛
The other day, I had sent him to get himself a few T-shirts he was badly in need of, from a store at the mall. The moment he landed there, I had my cell ringing. He was so confused of what to get himself, that he came back with an absolute blank look saying – I can’t shop without you !!
Now of course, that’s sweet, but its irritating as well….
I had blown up my wallet at the same store, that afternoon, and he couldn’t find himself a single damn thing, ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous !!!
This weekend, I started off with another book, a best seller and the most hyped about I guess – The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma.
From all the accolades and the admiration it had gotten around since long, I believed it would be a really good read. But I personally felt it was a bummer. 😛
The story revolves around a successful lawyer, who gives up all his materialistic pleasures, to go into the Himalayas in search of peace and find the true meaning of his life. He then returns and shares the same spiritual preachings with a friend of his.
Of course, the beginning was good and an engrossing one, describing all the stress and frustration of the fast life we live in, but somewhere I felt I lost the contact with it. Not that the content isn’t up to the mark, its actually fantabulous with all the research work the author has done, but I believe it wouldn’t please the fairer sex much.
Mr. Sharma believes that a person needs to get into self search mode, leaving everything behind and wandering away into the woods. Now that’s what I cannot digest.
As a mother, if in any case, I am not happy the way my life is shaping up, and that I need some ‘me time’, I need to reinvent myself by going away into the snow capped mountains and getting all the spiritual ideas from the monks, how many would really not call me selfish to have left behind my children, without a mother?
On a different note, will I be ever able to return back and look into their eyes without feeling guilty.
Parents have the innate ability to forgive their children in whatever wrong they do, but if you expect the same from children, you would be disappointed. Parents once gone wrong can never be excused, come whatever may.
I do agree, today we live fast lives, under too much of stress, especially the women, juggling all the way between kids and home and work and still feeling guilty about not being good mothers. But I specially would love to salute those mothers who take up home making as a full time work, ditching their careers, just to be with their families.
And then Mr. Robin Sharma, however distressed we are, we would never leave the family and the kids behind to find a fulfilling answer to our existence.
The views expressed here are my own, and may be they change soon, coz I am still halfway through the book…..more to come on this, till then adieus 🙂