How long ??

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How long would you take to accept a rejection ?

How long would you pretend to close your eyes and behave like you weren’t vulnerable , while you actually were ?!

How long would you take to learn that life ain’t a cakewalk ?

How long would you take to know that people walk in and walk out of our lives, just at the right moment !

A human tendency, actually two -
#1 To be always loved and wanted by the close ones
#2 To never give up on hoping, that they love and want you !

Both, I feel, are equally draining out emotionally …..

You want something and you don’t get it ; you give unconditionally with an expectation to get it back in the same measure ; you keep hoping for a miracle to happen …..and finally, accepting, that it won’t work out !

The fear of rejection ; negative and draining out for some, positive and uplifting for others…

Depends how we take it ; for there is always a prelude to better stories written in life…… Fall down, bite the dust ; get up, shrug the pain ; look around, look inside ; what we want always resides inside us…. Not in the people we love or want
They are just means to make us to come to terms with harsh realities of life…. God has his own ways to make us learn everything we should in this small life of ours

Make peace with yourself, think positively and find a way….. Where there is a will, there is a way, goes the saying…

Cry out if you feel like ! Crying is a therapy .
Dig your head into to the pillow, punch the walls, bang your fists on the table….. Do whatever you feel like to make you feel better
It is always fine to let go ourselves sometimes, how long can we hold on with the misery within ourself ?!

Talk to someone if that makes you feel lighter, abuse, curse, as much as you want, get angry with yourself ….. But just take care not to hurt anyone in the process ; angst, tears, shouting , will actually make you feel better….

And if you are the silent type , try writing out something ! Penning down your fears and expectations, your pain, will make you feel free….

And once you are done venting out, you won’t feel like doing it again !! Believe me, your heart will feel better, your mind and body more in control 😀

Don’t take life too seriously, no one anyways gets out of it alive 😃

Tears, sighs and curses would make you feel more hopeless !
So move on to smiles, happiness and openness ….

Just accept the fact, life is a process and we are all learners all our life….. Let them go, welcome the new with open arms 😊

While in despair, remind yourself each single day, two things –

WHATEVER HAPPENED WAS FOR GOOD and
I LOVE MYSELF …….and you’ll be at peace forever 😁

For, those who learn to digest the failures, are always the winners ….

Agree or not ?

WordPress on iPhone

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Back then, I used to access WordPress on my laptop…. And was used to posting, editing and updating my posts easily, coz it is a broader interface ….

But now, my net connection is through my iPhone and I am slowly getting used to it, but find it a little mind boggling to do the same set of things on a smaller screen !

One quick question, I still dunno how to upload / insert pics into my posts using the WordPress app on this iPhone, and that really drives me crazy !

Everytime I try to insert a pic, I can’t either insert it where I want it to be exactly, or end up fiddling with the text I’ve already written !! I get frustrated !!

I would never like my posts without pictures, and sometimes, there are picture heavy posts waiting to be posted, just because I can’t figure out how to do it ?!! 😖😖

Oh yes ! And one more thing, I cannot find the spell check option anywhere !! Please help me locate it 😩

Please, if anyone can help me out on this, I would be really thankful ….

Sweet nothing 🎶

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Eating rate – maximum !
Sleeping capacity – extreme !!
Work efficiency – optimum….
Writing frequency – occasional
Communication – zero !!

Yeah, this is what happens when I completely blank out ! 😁

When I feel I’ve been zoned out, kinda stoned, albeit without grass !

It is like you’ve been talking for ages and ages ; screaming, yelling, begging, barking…. At a white wall, blank for no apparent reason…..

You have just squeezed out, whatever was left inside that black, gray and white heart…. And haven’t been noticed ever, for whatever you’ve been going through …

It is then, that we come down, a level lower, and stop, and think, and talk, into emptiness….

Eat, work, sleep….. Think, think, think…… Don’t react, don’t pour it out, just go with the flow …… Stay still, calm, stare into nothingness……
See those birds flying high in the sky, notice the bright sun pouring over the greens, watch the ducks feeding their ducklings, hear the cricket play it’s music, listen to the sparrows chirping away merrily !!!

Do nothing !
Believe me, it is the toughest thing on earth, to sit and do nothing at all….. Your mind can’t be free of thoughts, your eyes can’t stop seeing things, your heart can’t stop feeling the emotions !

Try !! You have to do it ! Do it for yourself , when you feel the need to vent out, abuse, feel the urge to go slap someone ! 😝

I am in that phase , and am enjoying the sweet nothingness …. Absolute blank walls around me, staring at me, waiting for emotions to rush out again and be myself 😊

I’ll take my time though !

Have you been there ? Enjoyed it ?

Furious !!!

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Yeah, okay, I’m not furious at you guys !

But kinda pissed off at those who try to advice me on small things like what should I eat and how much ! 😖

I mean , it is actually none of their business …

I am a grown up , and quite sure of what I’m doing , I am in my senses all the time ; wonder what makes them walk upto me and tell me – eat something, girl, you’re so skinny !!

In all my sanity, I would like to tell those crackheads….. People, that is how God made me !! And you can’t question him !

I mean, I have the best bod at 37 !
Beautiful curves, perfect figure, and all that even after 2 kids, who make me go crazy all the time !!

So what, if He just forgot to inject some fat into my cheeks ?!!

I’m no zombie !
I eat well, rest well, work well, highly efficient , productive and energetic at all the times ……. Just don’t judge me from those cheeks, stuck to the bones ….kinda permanently …

And believe me, I’ve tried all sort of odd things to get some flesh on my cheeks !

Facial yoga - with all that deep inhaling and exhaling, like I was panting all the time !

Face massages - I actually rubbed butter and carrot pulp and boiled apples and all those yuck kinda stinky things on my cheeks to make em chubby !

Facial exercises - I can actually make tons of faces, fine enough to scare kids, and funny enough to make adults crack up at any place on this earth ….. And I did end up looking like a jerk in public places 😄

For all those who know me, are aware of the fact how self obsessed I am ! I love myself and embrace my curves in totality ☺️
And those who don’t know this little freak inside me, need to learn that I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my two kids, and I do that single handedly !

So just stop walking upto me and screaming into my face to eat something !

I DO EAT !!
If I wouldn’t, I would be a bad mother, irresponsible and careless …. Coz I need to set an example for my kids on healthy eating….AND I KNOW THAT !

So kindly leave me alone and go mind your own business …

( sorry if you feel I used too many offensive words this time ! But you know, I am furious !! 😝)

Have you ever felt this kinda social pressure building up on you ?
If not for being under weight, maybe for being on the heavier side ! Do share …. 😉

Little Joys of Life <3

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As I jot down this post, I am grinning ear to ear :)

I have butterflies in my tummy, really huge ones, jumping around, making me feel goose !!!

It has been ages I wrote down something, a long time for someone like me, who needs to vent out quite often :P

Ohh yess ! I do whine a lot !!

Ahh well! Something made me smile today, and I had to share it with my extended family here :)

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My girl, got this really nice book from her school library few days back. Being too busy with the chores I didn’t notice it lying on the desk for almost a day ! ( Okay, I did clean the desk, but it still  went unnoticed :P )

It was only before parting for the bed, did I notice how the book was molding her thought process !!!

She got off her bed, walked to her school bag and brought out something. While I was too sleepy and almost cross at her not letting me switch off the lights, she smiled, walked up to me and handed me a bunch of flowers saying – “Mamma, I love you !!!”.

I was stunned ! At loss of words ! Coz what I was thinking was, I would scold her for climbing down the bed at this hour of night and make so much of noise.

She then hugged me, and kissed me goodnight….

As she slept peacefully, with her lips curved into a smile, she looked like an angel ! I just felt blessed :)

Later that night, I took the book myself and read it all in one go.

It is a must read book for kids and also for frowning mums like me, who forget to notice the little bundles of happiness in our lives.

*     *     *

A day back, I was at my earlier workplace, trying to get at it once again.

Although, things didn’t fall into place, something happened that made me smile :)

The receptionist, an old friend, was just casually inquiring of my kids and how were they doing at studies. She couldn’t believe her ears, when I told her, I had two kiddos, who kept me on toes all day. Her jaw dropped, and the only words that came out were  – Teacher, how do you maintain yourself ?!!!! You look too young to be a mother of two ! :P

I just couldn’t stop laughing out loud ! :P  We chuckled, and I had to spill the beans to her !

I told her – Have kids and you’ll know how they help you maintain yourself :P

While walking back home, I just realised, how I was missing out on yoga, I had always been obsessed with !!!

An immediate decision, yess, I am starting yoga again ! That is what keeps me in shape and in peace of mind :)

( Who doesn’t love to collect compliments anyways :) )

*     *     *

 I have recently moved into my new home :) sweet little home of my own !

The house still demands a lot of arrangements, but I am at it already, and will finish it by month end… hopefully

Those who went through my earlier post, know how I had been struggling all these days, to get into a stable state of mind.

The things are starting to get straight again, and I am becoming more positive each day.

A big thank you to all of you, who wished me luck, said good words and prayed for me !! You guys keep me going :)

*     *     *

Here I shared the little joys of my life :)

Did you come across anything that made you smile today ?

The Marathon MIA

As I write this, I’m extremely sorry for being MIA for soooooo long !!!

Believe me, its been a crazy, tormenting time for me, since I moved back to India from the UAE. (six months now, but it seems to me, a lifetime!)

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The luxurious, self centered, extremely casual lifestyle of Dubai is taken over by a slogging, tiring line of chores, a housewife goes through in India.( I’ve lost 7 kg since then !)

From the husband, who is busy struggling to fit into his new workplace politics here, all the way, away from the family….. to the kids, who seem to have gone crazy with their new school schedule and syllabus………..to the over demanding in laws, I’m staying in with right now………everything just seems to make my world feel turning upside down !!

And it all started back in October last year. It was the worst time of my life I guess !

The man was told to move out of UAE to join the office back here India, asap, and he didn’t have an option.On a short notice, we had to empty the house and pack up to return. I winded up within just two weeks !! It was a mad week of cargo, parcels, bags and baggages .

Back here, the kids had to continue their term in the new school, to avoid wasting a year at school. Being mid term admissions, it was extremely tough for them to keep up, and equally tiring for me to keep on boosting their morale !

The man needed me as his moral support, and the kids needed me for the same. And somewhere in the middle, I was torn apart with the sudden change in my lifestyle trying to adjust with my not-so-adjustable in laws :P

I have been extremely emotionally drained out since then :(

Things had gone crazy ( and still they are ), however, I’ve somehow managed to get a hold of myself now. I’m still trying to pick up bits and pieces, only hoping to move back some day ! (height of optimism, I know :D )

For those who know how India is, internet and air-conditioners are still items of luxury !

Its tough to manage without a steady internet connection, and hence my blogging suffers. More so, coz as a housewife in a joint family, it is near impossible to manage time to write something. I had to bury my passion for good.

What seemed to me like passion, seemed wastage of time to others !!

But finally it seems the times are gonna change for me soon :) I’m shifting to my new house soon, and I’m soooooper excited to be in control of my life once again…..(fingers crossed!)

The kids have started accepting their new school, and I may, as well, start working again :) 

I know, I have a strong online support system out here at my blog, and I thank God for that :D

I hope, you won’t be mad at me anymore, and would still shower me with the same love, affection and understanding….

Oh yess, I still have few awards pending to be accepted ! (along with the acceptance formalities :P). That is next on my to-do list :D

Till then, ciao.. :)

 

Life is Beautiful

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Often I ask myself – What is life? , Is life beautiful? Why are we so passionate of our lives, that we start living it over and over again?

I struggle to answer these basic  questions of existence ………

One day it is a bed of thorns, those pricking your heart and soul,

The other day it is a path of blossoms, blooming and filling your nostrils with heavenly scents.

A door closes and a door opens……

Things that you feel are useless, often jump up into your face and scream for attention. They are too loud to be neglected, nonetheless they are futile and worthless in comparison to other vital things in life.

Just when you feel, you’ve lost the track of your life, and things start slipping out of your hands………miracles start happening :)

Someday, someone, something……..crosses your path just out of the blue, to make you grin and smile, ear to ear !!

Neither the pessimist nor the optimist can fault life on these wonderful miracles..they just happen, to make you alive ..

The upside down life of ours, suddenly seems to be stable and worth living again.

Yes, life indeed is beautiful … :)

Just me and a Hope

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I know I’ve been selfish, I know I’ve been  bad

I was just waiting to pick up myself, after the bled of those pricking thorns all the way…..

It was a tough journey, a never-ending one…….but it made me blunt and stronger to endure the pain, the avoidance and the criticism

I promise, I am tougher and better, more to myself than to others

No more mistakes to do, no more promises to keep………..just a way to go, a life to live :)

I don’t deserve to say a sorry, I don’t deserve the love…….what I feel I deserve is the companionship of all, till the journey ends….

The guilt potion

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Damn, I did it again…..someone come kill me now..

A strict diet follower since 15 days finally gave up to chocolate, yes the evil chocolate..

And when I was having  that devilish chocolate drink, not a bit did I think of that fat on my tummy that needs to be cut down !!

Not my fault…….the muffins in the fridge were screaming to be used up, and that jar of Nutella was already whispering into my ears to be picked up….see, not my fault at all ;)

My heart melts at chocolates and I eventually gave in to both of them and decided to ditch the diet plan for just 15 min……not mean      ( oh yess !!)

If I am not supposed to eat chocolates, they should stop making them \m/

The chocolate muffins in the fridge were a few days old, and were starting to harden a bit, didn’t have the heart to throw them away, so decided to make up something new from the leftovers……..shhh who said that..?

But before I feed my kids with the new experimented drink, I have to try it myself, and yes that’s compulsory.

I googled a bit to find out new recipes to recycle those muffins…oops

But the deal was, it should be instant, I hate elaborate procedures (wonder how I bake a cake, sometimes !!)

Cake pops and crumb cakes were all around, but I wasn’t that patient to try them out.

Finally had to dig out this guilt potion from the back of my mind.

The rich chocolate devil :)

Left over chocolate muffin drink

Ingredients:

Chocolate muffins

Cold milk

Nutella

Procedure:

Blend together a muffin, a cup of milk and a tablespoon of Nutella .

Depending on how chocolatey you want it, you can add or delete the Nutella.

Again, if you want it less thick, add more milk.

Done !!

Just drink it and you don’t know how guilty it makes you feel……specially if you watch those calories while you eat.

I still can’t get over the fact that I had it in the morning, then to make up for it I had to skip my lunch….poor me .

Btw, I am still worried of those 3 kgs I need to shed to reach my goal of 50 kg weight…..keep away those chocolates, chips and cookies :)

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